Benefits of Failure

I got a year drop right before my final year in Engineering. The culpable subject was Applied Mathematics 3. I loved Maths as a child. In fact, I scored 147/150 in my school Board exams. So it was even more devastating and a new low for me. Everyone around me was horrified. My parents were upset, worried but didn't say much as they already knew what I was going through. I was barely passing all my examinations and I was about to become an IT engineer who barely knew coding.

I had already formed group for my final year project and started working on it a little bit. The idea to drop that, the idea of not being able to graduate with my batch-mates was really disappointing. The idea of what others might say, how relatives will react? What my teachers will say? What will I do for a year? How my new classmates will be? Will they accept me? Will it get weird? Who will team up with me for my final year project and I definitely will have to take up a new project as this one was going to be taken up by my current team and why shouldn't they. These all ideas popped up in my head every day for a month probably. I felt very isolated. 

Now I am not going to tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one and I had no idea then, that how far the tunnel extended and for a long time any light for the end of it was hope rather than a reality. So, why do I talk about "Benefits of Failure"? Simply because failure means stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really passed the subject by just passing marks, I would never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena where I believed I truly belonged and excelled. I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized and I was still alive and I still had a family whom I truly loved, skills to excel Maths, time to learn good coding and a big idea for my final year project. 

And so, rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. You might never fail on a scale I did but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at some thing unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all in which case you have failed by default. Failure gave me an inner security that I have never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learnt no other way. I discovered that I have a strong will and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies. The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself or strength of your relationships until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift.

Just to brief you all of the events of the years that followed my year drop:

• Scored 65/80 in Maths 3 which was highest marks of that year in my college.
• Got 2 certificates in coding.
• Went on to clear Sem 7 and Sem 8 with 8 pointer (I averaged in 5 pointers).
• Got 2 job offers from campus placements.
• Got couple of offers to implement my final year project for a company. 

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” — Tyler Durden 

PS: This post does not inspire you to purposely fail in exams :P Kudos!

Dedicated to,
My grandfather,
My loved ones,

Thanks you for reading,

From,

Hetansh Shah a.k.a Hetu :]